You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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