i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
