Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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