I just saw a hot homeless man
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
