...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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