I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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