it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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