He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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