On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
