you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think people are normalizing furries
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
