idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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