In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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