Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
