Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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