I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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