I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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