I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
