Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
