do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
