I bet he comes in French.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
