And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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