You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
