I wish I could punch you in the face.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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