We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
