Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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