OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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