somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
