I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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