I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
