I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
