I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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