She announced her abortion via fbk
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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