Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
