Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
