you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize