you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
