her vagina looked like bernie madoff
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
