Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
