this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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