Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
