Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
