he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
