I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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