Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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