I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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