Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
