Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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