do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
