my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
