Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
