I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
