Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
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Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
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Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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