I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
