I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
