if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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