if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
