just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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