Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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