i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
