Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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