There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
