I wish you could order shots online.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
