i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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