Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
If I die, sorry about rent.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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